It could be so wonderful, this rebirth, this rekindling of love and joy.  "IT" could be a new beginning until the end, a true caring and connection like no other. More real than mother love, more deep than new lovers love, more intense than any other feeling.

Yes, ALIVE that is how two people feel when they care, truly care, about each other-alive. Every pore, every nerve, ever cell, vibrating with attention and validation. Could be. Could be. Could be?

Trouble is, it takes two people. Not just any two people, Two people “in love” with each other. “In love” meaning truly caring and full of love for the other. LOVE defined as respecting, caring about, putting the other first before any other person, thing, or event. Love- meaning listening and touching and conversing and sharing and joining and being separate and yet one. Love- meaning the emergence of JOY at the thought, or sight, or sound of the other. Deep feeling of ecstasy with the closeness or touch of the other. Love- meaning taking time to understand, and opening of the mind, and separating ones ego to understand the other. Putting aside self to allow the others communication to BE. Allowing the differences and loving the balance they bring to the relationship.

And there in is the rub isn’t it? Finding, first, two people with the ability to truly love another. Maybe the ability is there but the emotional well being, or unwell being, disallows the function of love. Fear gets in the way, fear of being betrayed, mocked, hurt, abandoned- fear. And one may sabotage the success of the relationship because of their own personal history, their own personal demons, their own inability to deeply love, their lack of integrity.

So, here is my question, is true love really possible. There is pain when I realize true love may not happen for anyone, especially for me. Why-why? I feel the ability to truly love-have truly loved. There are moments in time when I believe I experienced that true love with another-moments. It slips away covertly, dissipating like fog in the sunshine. Slips away.

I feel it slipping or not becoming permanent, I feel it. My mind does not want to acknowledge and ignores the signs. "Give the benefit of the doubt," my little voice whispers, I am good at that. Then one day-reality has to be seen. Reality, and still that little voice wants to give the benefit of the doubt, until there is no denying the truth, and feeling of betrayal, and pain, and abandonment hit hard-again.

Now, part of the pain and disbelief is how and why can Love not happen? Why does it become ugly and hurtful? Why, when what two people have is so very beautiful, must one person hold back, sabotage, and cling to fear? Why can we both not let the love take us to joy? Joy! How hard could that be, to just allow it to happen, trust each other, care about each other. How hard could that be to hold each other special and first and most important. How hard is that?

So, I sit wondering what to say and how and when. How to confront or not. How to keep as much of the door open as is healthy and yet be true to myself. How to avoid killing the chance that this love can be true and the other partner will be able to continue to JOY with me and still a not betray myself, again. HOW??