Create Your Soulmate Create Your Soulmate with Your Current Partner

Create Your Soulmate with Your Current Partner

Create Your Soul Mate.
Get Your Instructions Here.
 

By Yvonne Sinclair M.A.

Would it not be wonderful to feel your partner is your “soul mate?” Have you ever experienced a soul mate connection? Do you know anyone who has? Yes, I have. And I believe soul mate connections are not one for a life time. I believe soul mate connections do not just happen. Perhaps soul mate connections (that feeling you are one with another human being) can be created. I believe! Do you want to try? Deepening your relationship emotional intimacy will allow the soul mate connection to appear.

Emotional intimacy, both definition and experience, is the connection with, and the knowledge of, another person at their deepest level. Emotional intimacy can be a most enjoyable experience. Emotional intimacy is being completely open and honest with another human being. It is sharing your authenticity, your hopes and dreams, your inner you. Anyone can create a deep intimate relationship.

We, however, tend to take intimacy for granted, believing that when we first fall in love, the intimacy will subsequently follow. By this I mean the “emotional intimacy.” Emotional intimacy is different from physical intimacy or sex. Emotional intimacy does not automatically manifest itself. It is a skill we can learn, practice, and master.

Part of loving another person, and caring deeply for them, is opening ourselves to them in an intimate fashion. To do this we need to care about ourselves and love ourselves. To be really a master at emotional intimacy we need to be in touch with the human that is “us.” We need to be comfortable experiencing our emotions, our senses, our pleasures, our masculine and feminine qualities, and trusting our own inner senses. Sort of being relaxed with who you really are and just enjoying yourself. When you are there then you can share that wonderful “self” with another.

To begin our skills, effective communication is essential. Not only the ability to express ourselves, but giving ourselves the permission to talk to our partner about anything. When you open the communication channels and are honest and direct you are set to begin creating emotional intimacy.

Try the following format; when____________(this happens), I feel___________(an emotional feeling), Because___________, and I want___________

It is a good way to talk so the other person can hear you. If you add reflective listening to this equation it will work best. The partner than reflects back what they hear you say or feel. “What I hear you say is___________.” You can then check to see if they hear what you intended them to hear.

Eye contact creates a deep experience of oneness. Eye contact can be difficult if you are not used to gazing in another person’s eyes. Give it a try and practice.

Honest, direct and open verbal communication creates a deep experience of sharing, caring, and vulnerability. Yep, I said vulnerability. You can do this, it will create a soul mate connection that lasts. You will be proud and joyous.

You need to be present, which means to really be there with your partner. Not just physically present, with your mind and thoughts somewhere else, but attention, body, and soul, right there front and center. It takes practice to learn to be present. When your partner talks, really listen. Don't be preoccupied with preparing answers in advance in your mind. This is where reflective listening will help. You will have to reflect back what you hear, so you cannot be rehearsing your next speech.

Accepting yourself for who you are in the moment, allows you to begin to feel trust. You are on the road to the soul mate connection. Accepting yourself may be the hard part. You are “human” not perfection. Well, human is perfection, so I stand corrected. Being “real,” it’s okay. Accepting your partner as he or she is in the moment creates safety for your partner to be who he or she is. To accept doesn't mean to like, to approve or to agree.

To accept just means - this is who I am right now and this is who you are. Appreciating the differences and maximizing the similarities. (I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.) You can be ever changing, ever growing, ever evolving humans. Acceptance is essential in order for us to experience complete emotional intimacy.

Be creative, try some playfulness, something new. We are not going anywhere definitive. Emotional intimacy does not have a destination. This is not foreplay. Each time you “experience” each other the intimacy deepens and your soul mate connection is more and more solid.

Remain open and allow your spontaneity and intuition to lead you. Remember, you are practicing a new skill, not aiming for a perfect performance. You are in search of your soul mate connection.

Enjoy...

Here is a specific exercise to help build emotional intimacy;

Practice at least on time a day. Set aside about one-half hour or more and enjoy the relaxation and warm feelings you gather. Do not hurry. Turn off TV, phones, and any other distractions.

Sit opposite your partner while your knees touching. For about 10 minutes just gaze softly into each others eyes. Be receptive, soft and gentle. Allow your thoughts, feelings and body sensations to be there. Just allow time and space to hold you both. Stay present.

Now you are ready for the heart salute:

In this exercise you will sit in the Yabyum position. If you are not familiar with Yabyum, Google will help. Try googling images for Yabyum. Create a quiet space, perhaps your sacred safe space if you have time. Sit face to face. In this space, place your right hands on each others heart. Look deep into each others eyes. Spend a few minutes just being together. Coordinating your breathing will increase the intimacy of this exercise.

Now spend about five minutes each saying the following;

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you  ___________

-What I admire about you  _____________

-or any other comment you would like to add.

The partner doing the listening-just listens. The listening partner checks in with themselves-notice what you are feeling? Are you able to let these messages into your heart? When partner one is finished, partner two responds with “thank you” or something else appropriate. Again, no fixing, no response to statements-only acknowledgement you “heard” your partner. Partner two now has a turn.

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you  ___________

-What I admire about you  _____________

-or any other comment you would like to add.

Partner One responds with “I hear you” statement. Take your time. Add whatever you would like. This is your appreciation admiration time. End with a hug, and take your time.

This exercise should be done each day. Maybe before bedtime or to get you started in the morning. What a wonderful way to start the day by being appreciated and admired.

People today often have “scurvy of the soul.” Our own soul is not nurtured and fulfilled. We may have a tendency to do what society or culture tells us will bring us happiness or joy. We often pay no attention to our own ability to enjoy pleasure and don’t take the time to learn how to give pleasure. We may not even know what pleasure” means for ourselves.

If we ignore pleasure, we are not fully developed emotionally. Pleasure is a wonderful ingredient in a healthy relationship. Today we sometimes get the message, men give pleasure and women receive. Some men don’t give themselves permission to receive pleasure. When they do their relationship deepens and becomes more intimate and solid. Deepening your relationships emotional intimacy will allow the soul mate connection to appear.

Pleasure your soul with a deeper emotionally intimate relationship. I wish you JOY!

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©Copyright 2010 by Yvonne Sinclair M.A., MFCC. All Rights Reserved. All material is owned and protected. Reproduction without the express written consent of the author is forbidden.

Step Two - Creating Your Soul Mate.

By Yvonne Sinclair M.A.

Isn’t it wonderful?  Isn’t it marvelous to feel another person loves you just the way you are? Another person cares about your needs and wishes. Another person wants to spend time with you. Another person feels a loss when you are not present. That is the soul mate connection.

 I believe we can create a soul mate connection with our partner. Oh, it is nice when you find that soul mate without working on it. There is a catch to finding your soul mate. Once you find each other, the work begins. Yes, I said work. Your soul mate connection is a start, not a complete package. The relationship still needs care, feeding, and attention. So, if your soul mate has not magically bumped into you on a crowed street, here is the good news: you can create that connection with your existing partner. Yes, it takes work –the same sort of work you would need to put into your magic soul mate relationship. So, here is step two to evolving into bliss.

 One day you may wake up and discover your romantic intimate relationship has disappeared. Life has happened, and the relationship has taken a back seat. Romance has faded away. Of course this is not a permanent situation. You have the opportunity to communicate with your partner and spice things up again. Remember, romance is not something you do every couple of weeks or months because you have to. Romance can be a way you show your partner your love. It needs to permeate everything you do.

 It is not as effort intensive as it sounds. Once you get in the mode, romance will come easily for you both. Sometimes being romantic and loving just takes a little token of acknowledgement to your partner. Sometimes it's a little bit more.  

 If you take the time to notice what is happening around you and what your partner is feeling, you can then show your partner you notice. Being cared about deep enough for someone to notice what you are experiencing and saying makes a loving, commutative relationship.

 At the end of this step two, I will give you a “talking together” exercise.  To prepare for that, it would be nice to have a talk about romance and what each of you would like. Make an appointment if need be and spend some time being “romantic.” Turn off the “busy,” meaning make a time with no distractions. Sometimes romance can be found by simply turning off the phone, TV, computer, and kids (they turn off when asleep).  This newly-found time can be spent doing things together. These activites may include taking a walk, playing a game, cooking together, watching a movie, or just cuddling.

 Use your imagination. Romance does not have to involve money. Discover you love language and the love language of your partner. The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman has a great guideline to discover how you feel loved. For instance, if you feel loved when you have quality time with your partner, and your partner feels loved when he/she receives acts of service, and you give each other what you want to feel loved, neither of you will feel loved. If your partner spends time with you, and you bring him/her coffee in bed, then you will both feel loved. It may seem a little tricky, but first you must discover what you need to feel loved.

 Step two to your soul mate connection will be an exercise called “talking together.” I am introducing a little Tantra into this activity. Creating a “safe space” is suggested. To do this, you must decide where you will sit and talk. Chairs and couches are not involved, so on the bed or on the floor. You will be sitting in the Yabyum position. Google it as an image, and you will get the idea. You are sitting face to face straddling each other with your feet behind your partner. You are then heart to heart. Here are instructions for sacred safe space talking. Before you begin, you may want to start with the heart salute offered in the first Soul Mate Instructions. If you missed that, here it is again:

 HEART SALUTE

In this exercise, you will sit as you were for the communication exercise. Yabyum is good here, too. Create a quiet space, perhaps your sacred safe space if you have time. Sit face to face. In this space, put your right hands on each others heart. Look deep into each others eyes. Spend a few minutes just being together. Coordinating your breathing will increase the intimacy of this exercise. Now spend about five minutes each saying the following:

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you  ___________

-What I admire about you  _____________

-Any other comment you would like to add.

 The partner doing the listening simply listens. The listening partner checks in with him/herself.  Notice what you are feeling. Are you able to let these messages into your heart?  When partner one is finished, partner two responds with “Thank you,” or something else appropriate.   Again, no fixing or response to statements is allowed.  Only acknowledge you “heard” your partner. Partner two now has a turn.

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you  ___________

-What I admire about you  _____________

-Any other comment you would like to add.

 Partner one responds with an “I hear you” statement. Take your time. Add whatever you would like. This is your appreciation admiration time. End with a hug and take your time. This exercise should be done each day. It may be nice to do before bedtime or to get you started in the morning. What a wonderful way to start the day by being appreciated and admired.

 Take some time to be together. Just breathe together and relax. You can try this Tantra exercise. The Shakti (female) is in charge of pace and breathes loud enough for her Shiva to hear. The Shiva is in charge of safe space and coordinates his breathing with his Shakti. It’s such fun to try on a new persona.

 SACRED SAFE SPACE TALKING

 This exercise will introduce the Tantra procedure of creating safe sacred space. Both partners will decide on a space in your home that will be private and uninterrupted for about an hour. Use scarves, or something like scarves, and make a border or boundary around the area. It can be on the living room floor with pillows to sit on, in the bedroom, or on a bed. You will be sitting facing each other.

 The boundary should be established, and the ambiance should be soft and quiet. Soft lights and soft music would add a nice touch. I would like to suggest candles and/or incense that smell pleasant to both of you. Both partners will then remove the attributes he/she does not want in the sacred and safe communication space. This space will be a space to enjoy compassion and caring with each other.

 Removal suggestions:

Negativity, judgment, aggression, pessimism, criticism, etc. Remove all the negative attitudes you do not want in your sacred space.

 ADD in suggestions:

Acceptance, loving, caring, compassion, gentleness, optimism, love, etc.

 This is now your relationship/couples sacred safe space. Sit facing each other with knees together, or with one partner having his/her legs over the others legs. “Yabyum” position is great here. The male (usually) in on the lower part and sits with his legs out or with knees slightly bent. The female straddles his legs by putting her feet behind him. This gives you connection with your heart, and you can also hold each other close.

 Take a few deep breaths together and spend a few moments in quiet just being together. Now follow the list of subjects below for your discussion. Each partner will take a turn. Decide who will be first and who will be second. Each partner will take about five minutes talking about each subject. Take more time if needed. No issues are to be worked though here – just heart shares.

 While one partner is sharing, the listening partner just listens. There is no need to fix, explain, or defend – only listen. When the speaker is through, the listener will express appreciation for his/her partner for being willing to share intimate subjects and for being vulnerable. The listener can say something like, “Thank you for sharing,” or “I am honored to know that.” Make it your words. That is it!  No other comments are needed, only acknowledgment that you heard your partner.

 This is emotional intimacy. This sharing is from your heart. This is hard to do if you are feeling untrusting or unworthy. So, take a deep breath and give it a try. You can add subjects if you would like. This is not a time to work out our issues. This is a time for sharing intimately and acknowledging you have heard.

Talking together subjects:

1. What is your greatest wish for this relationship?
2. Name one thing you are willing to do to make your wish happen.
3. Tell your partner how you would like him/her to help you make your wish come true.
4. What is something you are afraid to talk about? Just mention the subject if you are still not willing to actually “talk” about it. 
5. Make an appointment to revisit the subject in 4.
6. Tell your partner how you like to be touched.
7.  Share a fantasy.
8. Share your sexual turn-ons and turn-offs.
9. Add anything else you would like to share.

 When you both decide you are done, spend a few moments just being with each other again. Acknowledge to each other how difficult or easy this exercise was for you.

 This can be a beginning “talking together.” You can schedule one each week or month and make your own list of subjects. Yes, I did say “schedule” because I have found couples get so busy with life they forget to add the romance or time with each other. Sometimes you have to actually carve out time and selfishly save it for yourselves. In the long run, when your relationship is wonderful, it has an effect on everyone in your life.

 Talk together, walk together, cook together, rest together, and breathe together. Your soul mate is evolving.  Welcome your partner into your heart.

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©Copyright 2010 by Yvonne Sinclair M.A., MFCC. All Rights Reserved. All material is owned and protected. Reproduction without the express written consent of the author is forbidden.

Would Like to Introduce You to Your Soul Mate

By Yvonne Sinclair M.A.

 Welcome to our final exercise to create your soul mate with your current partner. I am sure you have been faithfully utilizing the exercise for emotional intimacy introduced in the first two articles: “Creating Your Soul Mate - Get Instructions Here” and “Step Two - Creating Your Soul Mate.”  Therefore, I am sure the emotional intimacy level with your partner is deep and wonderful.

 The exercises in this final step to creating your soul mate are intended to encourage each partner to increase his or her ability to find, give, and enjoy pleasure. People today often have scurvy of the soul. If our soul is not nurtured and fulfilled, then we are not complete. We are not being true to ourselves, and we are missing out on true happiness. We may have had a tendency to do what society or culture tells us will bring us happiness or joy. We often pay no attention to our own ability to enjoy pleasure and don’t take the time to learn how to give pleasure. We may not even know what pleasure includes. If we ignore pleasure, then we are not fully developed emotionally.

 Pleasure is a wonderful ingredient in a healthy relationship. Today we sometimes get the message “men give pleasure and women receive pleasure.” I am here to suggest both genders are equipped to love pleasuring -- giving and receiving. Some men don’t give themselves permission to receive pleasure. When they do receive pleasure, their relationship with their partner deepens and becomes more intimate and solid. Pleasure makes us whole. Pleasure awakens our very inner self and soul. The God and Goddess inside of us awakens when pleasure is introduced into the life.

 Relationship Enhancement Exercises: (Review the first two emotional intimacy building exercises to create a soul mate connection with your current partner. The instructions for this are available on the Marriage Counseling 4U website in the Free Help section.)

 1. Talking and sharing from the heart (even working through issues together) can increase our emotional intimacy.

 2. Breathe together.  Take time to be together. Notice each others breath. Close out the hectic/everyday world and just be with each other.

 3. Heart salute - Share what you love, appreciate, or admire about your partner.

 And the one we will add in now…

4. Four hour pleasure homework - The best one! I would like to introduce more Tantra exercises in this exercise. Tantra is the art of conscious loving. The aspects of Tantra that I like the most are the emphasis on communication, slowing down and enjoying, and pleasure being the goal rather than orgasm.

 4. Pleasure, Not Orgasm - Four-Hour Homework

Absolutely no issues are to be worked out in this homework. Keep them for another time.

 I do not want to imply that having an orgasm is bad. It just may be better to enjoy the natural high for a long time (an hour or so). After an orgasm happens, we are usually done.  We are no longer connected to our partner emotionally. We roll over and sleep or leave the moment emotionally. If we allow pleasuring, then we can ride the wave of joy for a longer time.  This wave, in Tantra, is called “Sky Dancing.” The amount of time we can stay on the wave will increase with practice and learning to slow down.

 There are some facts about sex that you may not know. Men can have an orgasm without ejaculation. This is taught through Tantra. Women can have multiple orgasms. Women also have the ability to ejaculate. The book Tantra for Men explains some of these facts about orgasms and sex. It would be good to read this before the final exercise. Reading about sex facts will give you a good basis for this final exercise.

 Take your time creating the final Four Hour Homework. Set up your space and get everything in order before you schedule the four hours. There should be no children, no phone, and no interruptions.

 There is also a shopping list. One partner is in charge of ambiance, and one partner is in charge of food. Communicate your wishes to your partner and enjoy the creation of your four hour pleasuring experience.

 Shopping for Pleasure Homework

Massage oil or lotion

Candles or incense

Bubble bath

Music to love by

Massage table (if possible)

Something wonderful to drink (preferably not alcohol)

Food to feed each other - get creative not expensive

Feather to use in the pleasure process

Silk – again, for pleasuring

Optional: DVDs for teaching pleasuring and massage. These would be good to obtain and watch before your four-hour homework. They can be purchased online.  A good DVD to watch is Tantra Massagenarrated by Dr. Ava Cadell. This Tantra massage DVD is great. It starts with a regular massage demonstration, and the second part demonstrates Tantra massage. Tantra massage includes long, slow, gentle strokes and pleasuring of the genitals. This DVD is tastefully done with complete nudity. If you are uncomfortable with nudity, then this DVD is not for you. Another DVD to teach the Tantra exercises is The Art of Orgasm-the multi-orgasmic couple (for men and women) by Margot Arand. This is called the MORE, Multiple Orgasmic Response Experience. These DVDs teach how to enjoy each other without orgasm. They teach you how to spend hours in ecstasy without orgasm or even an erection.

 Always take your time through this exercise. There is only one big rule: no intercourse. Yikes you say! You can do it! Just enjoy the touching. Allow the pleasure to seep into your every cell. Communicate about what you are loving, what you want more, or what you want done less or lighter. Once you have scheduled the four-hours at home alone, with no phone, no kids, no TV, and no disturbance of any kind, then you are ready. One partner will be in charge of ambiance, and one will be in charge of food. When you experience the next four hours of joy and ecstasy, you can switch roles.

 Part One

This first part of the four-hour homework exercise will be a bubble bath. You will incorporate all five senses into the bath. If a tub is not available, get creative with your shower. Stick to the list below as much as you can. Maybe you can even muster up warm towels. Perhaps you can get them right out of the dryer. Is the tub too small? Get real - just be cozy.

 Something for…

Smell - incense, fragrant candles, or fragrant bubble bath

Sight - candles, even each other appearing content

Touch - bubbles and warm water

Hearing - soft and romantic music

Taste- glass of something wonderful to drink or finger foods like fruit.

 During the Bubble Bath - Relax and enjoy touching and just being together. For instance, you could talk about when you first met. Discuss what you remember about that first look or meeting and what attracted you to each other. Can you remember what you were wearing or a song that was playing? Keep this positive and nurturing. Take your time.

 Part Two

Mutual massage is the second phase of your four-hour homework. It would be wonderful if you had watched a massage video before the day of your pleasuring (especially if you do not have massage experience). If you are a lover of massage, you can just pleasure your partner with the moves you enjoy.

Massage tables are the best, and then one partner is not getting all kinked up rolling around on the floor or crawling over the partner on the bed. See if you can borrow one if you do not own one.

 A massage oil with fragrance is wonderful. If you prefer lotion, then use that. Make sure you both like the fragrance. Talk about your preferences. Perhaps one of you will want oil and one will want lotion. If you have a small incense warmer, the oil can be heated for a wonderful sensual touch. A light oil of any kind will work.

You should do the massage in a warm environment with soft lights and soft music. You may want to create sacred space for this exercise.

 Remember: always take your time through this exercise. Always remember the one big no-no rule: NO intercourse. And again, you can do this.  Just enjoy the touch. Sink into the pleasure of pleasuring. Step out of your comfort zone and stretch your experience. Remember to continue to communicate about what you are loving and what you want more or less of.

 Part Three

Third phase is food. The food and massage part can be switched depending on your hunger. Food should be something you can eat with your fingers. You should prepare something easy to feed each other. Fruit cut to bite size, PB&J sandwiches in small squares, dips, vegetables cut small, etc.  Get creative and inexpensive here. Take your time and just enjoy the fun of eating together, the pleasure of feeding each other, and the joy of being together.

 Nice Game to include: this game will require pudding. The rule is you cannot feed yourself, and you cannot clean up your body if the pudding should accidentally spill somewhere.

 When your homework is complete, then intercourse is admissible.  Like you needed my permission…

 Enjoy!

 Let’s Talk About Sex

 Sex is a complicated subject. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Sex is a way to be intimate and share ourselves with our partner. It is a way to say we are one or that you love being with him/her.  However, sex can be extremely complicated. Partners are sometimes not on the same energy level or libido level. One partner may need to work out any pending issues before he/she can feel amorous. The other partner may even want to heal the rift with sex.

 Communicate your needs and wishes. Explore ways to get both partners what they need. Remember, “no” means “no” even when the word is not spoken out loud. Notice body language. If you are not sure what messages you are receiving, then ASK. It is not about us if it is not in our basket. Each partner has the right to assert him/herself when he/she wants to be sexual and when he/she does not. Each partner has the right to say, “This is not a good time for me,” and be heard. Each partner can be true to him/herself, and it may not be about you. Engaging in sex when you do not want sex is not healthy and not nurturing for your relationship. Sometimes partners just want holding and closeness -- not sex.

 Sometimes couples have a problem with an erection. Notice I said “couples”” because an erection is the couple’s problem, not just the male’s problem. Each person has his/her own issues.  This particular issue is in the couple’s basket (Everyone has his/her own basket containing his/her issues).  An erection is complicated. An erection is dependent on physical, emotional, and situational well-being. Women usually have it easy.  They just have to show up.

 I would like to introduce that, wonderful, juicy, fabulous sex does not require an erection. That is right. Both partners have other body parts. Our bodies have numerous erogenous zones. Learn them and pleasure them. Men can learn to find the G-spot and pleasure his partner. Women can pleasure their men and love the feeling of giving him joy and hearing him moan at her touch. She doesn’t have to get him off or even to create an erection, but just to pleasure him. Men can enjoy their penis stroked and reach an orgasm without an erection. So enjoy each other. Enjoy the touch and let it last. Make it a pleasure session, not just getting-it-off session. Give your relationship a jolt of joy.

 Communicate, care, and be intimate. Spend time creating your relationship; it doesn’t grow all alone. Spend time creating your soul mate. Enjoy, pleasure, and be joyful! Congratulations on spending time and energy creating a new and wonderful life for yourself and your relationship.

 I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to your soul mate.

BE JOYFUL!

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©Copyright 2010 by Yvonne Sinclair M.A., MFCC. All Rights Reserved. All material is owned and protected. Reproduction without the express written consent of the author is forbidden.

 


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